A Season in the Life of a Moron
by brainboy
Summary: I know, I can't do decent titles. This is my first fic so be nice. Basically, I err, abduct Tobias and drop him in my messed up universe. ph3ar me!


A Season in the Life of a Moron BB: Hello everyone! If you're reading this you're reading this then you're obviously insane or a crack addict because the author (me!) is a total idiot. Anyway, since everyone has muses, I decided to get one too! drags in two squirming burlap sacks  
  
Tobias (Yes, that Tobias): What am I doing here?  
  
BB: You're going to be my muse.  
  
Tobias: Oh no. Am I going to be fed? Or properly taken care of?  
  
BB: Look Hawk-boy, you're older than me! Make do! And now, I'll just throw you into my really messed up universe. Enjoy!  
  
Tobias: (as black hole appears under the author's bed) Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Disclaimer: Tobias does not belong to be. Nor will he ever will. He belongs to KA Applegate. But, as long as she doesn't figure figure out that I've abducted him, I'll be having a lot of fun with our pal Tobias... grins evilly  
  
Author's Note: This story was ment to be read slowly. If you read it too fast, it sounds really stupid. Trust me, I know.  
  
Chapter One  
  
I'm Tobias. Just Tobias. I used to be your average wimp. I was picked on by everyone. Of course, something absolutely unbelievable had to come out of nowhere. Now I'm a red-tailed hawk. Am I confusing you? I'll explain.  
  
See, my friends and I were going home through an abandoned construction site one night. And boy, did we freak out when we saw a crashed andalite spacecraft. The pilot was an andalite war-prince named Elfangor. My dad.  
  
He gave us the power to morph into any creature we aquire. However, technology, in any form be it aviation, pharmuceutical, or genetic, has limits. Jet aircraft consume fuel. Morphine is addictive. And one can only stay in a morph for two hours before he or she become trapped forever.  
  
Does it sound cool? Get this: andalite morphing technology, no matter how awesome, is a weapon. And for every weapon, there is a purpose behind it's creation. Morphing is a weapon created to use against the yeerks.  
  
Yeerks are parasetic slugs that take over the minds of other species. The slither through ear canals and wrap themselves around your brain. You can't blink unless the yeerk makes you. I reads your memories and takes over your life. When that happens to you, you become a controller. What's so dangerous about controllers is that they can be anyone. They can be your neighbor, your science teacher, or even your own parents.  
  
Today, I've been abducted while chatting with Rachel when this plot hole appeared in the middle of the "a" on the sign on the Cinnabon sign. Next thing I knew, this cotton-candy-ish tornado thingy came out of a grocery store wearing boxers, sucked me up, and dropped me into a crazy author's bedroom.  
  
I'm certainly not in Kansas anymore.  
  
Who are you calling a crazy author?  
  
"Where are you and how do you know how to use thought-speak?" I replied, noticing that I wasn't a red-tailed hawk. "And how long have I been in human morph?"  
  
Oh, you're not going to demorph anytime soon, Tobias, the voice taunted. Oh, I expect that you'll want a straight answer. See, I took away your morphing abilities, but only temporarily. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself, yet.  
  
"Why?" I asked.  
  
Let's just say my universe has a few, um, flaws. the voice sounded uncertain. And if you're getting any ideas, I will hurt you.  
  
"I'm terrified," I replied sarcastically.  
  
A plasma TV appeared out of nowhere. I watched, confused. There was Rachel, talking to Jake. Subject: What happened to the predatorial chicken. Marco must be addictive. What the heck!? The scene had switched to a hooded guy pointing an M-16 at somebody.  
  
This guy watches way too many demented sitcoms, I thought. But a second later, the message came through.  
  
"You wouldn't dare!"  
  
If I was morally bankrupt enough to abduct you, I would also be morally bankrupt enough to do... it.  
  
"Do you have to be such a total moron!" I protested.  
  
Yes. Muahahahahahaha! Tobias: Well, that was an odd place to end the chapter. That M-16 crack was totally uncalled for!  
  
BB: I do a lot of things that are uncalled for.  
  
Tobias: And why are you torturing me?  
  
BB: Because I find torture fics very easy to work with and if I used a character I created myself, I wouldn't be able to post it fanfiction.  
  
Tobias: Damn you.  
  
BB: That's it! I'm bumping up the rating to PG-13!  
  
Tobias: I'm a bit lonely...  
  
BB: Alright people! I'm not that evil. Who should I abduct to become Tobias' cellmate? Should I go after a) Hermione b) Rachel c) or Jobs (seriously, I think KA Applegate would be suspicious if two of her characters went missing). So, just review. Please? 


End file.
